..wish i could go back and never grow up again...

Sometimes..rather many times of late,i regret my growing up.it was so nice to be ignorant of the fact that i am growing up.Life was as simple as linear equations.No complications.Get up.go to school with ur tiffin and up-to date notebooks.collect teachers' pats.make merry with friends.come home to be hugged by mommy.fresh hot lunch.afternoon nap.evening fun.homework done.TV.cartoon.dinner.hugs again by daddy and mommy.off to bed.another day as same as the previous one but not a single moment of boredom or a feel of montony.These concepts dint exist at all then.did they? not for me.
Teachers'pats dnt exist even in dreams now.Getting a good meal once in a week is god's grace( i stay in a hostel so..).no routine.books with concepts that refuse to get into the head just irritate me.away from home.no one there to entertain my mood swings.if feeling low...have to be extra careful.cant just blurt out...not like the good old days that if had a fight in the 1st period...friends again till the next period.life isnt simple anymore!!
i wish i could go back to those days and never come back again.
though its nt possible...closing my eyes and imagining this cud happen is more than bliss...

i hope u r reading my friend..
We usually read and write so much about moms..but dads are rarely given this privilege..
i never realised that i never missed my dad.only when i needed my cell to be recharged..or my account refilled.But he calls up daily to ask if i had my food on time.i simply give one word answers.he never asks anything else more than my well being.I never bothered to extend our conversation beyond that.
One of my friends who read my post on mother asked me why are fathers not written about..even i dnt knw why it never occured to me to think of him this way..

I stay away from home.I had become very used to to say that "I miss home..I miss my mummy.."..without realising when do i really do..until it came to me one day that
i miss my mom when i am hungry..I miss the affection with which she used to feed me.I miss her during exams..that when i was at home,tired and exhausted,how i would lie on her lap and she would gently stroke my hair..I miss her when i dnt have money to buy something i like..i think of her getting my wish granted without a question.I miss her when i have a difference with my friends..that if i were at home..how i would run to her bursting into tears..and she would console me..
i miss her when i feel nervous..that how she would fill me with confidence by hugging me tight..I miss her when i am ill..how her care worked faster than medicines...
I dont know what was i filled with..when i realised that I miss her only when I need her.I wanted to say sorry.I wanted to tell her that I was selfish.And tell her everything that I have written here.But all i could say is
"mama..i love you"
She smiled and said.."I know".

Does it happen with you?

Sometimes in life..everything seems beautiful..everything into place..the days seem bright..the cool breeze so soothing..everything around looks beautiful..
every face seems smiling..lit up..
I feel filled with energy..an urge to achieve..excel..struggle ..fight..difficulty doesnt seem a difficulty..it appears as a challenge..and the whole world seems to be supporting me..an unseen force holding my hand..not letting me fall..i can feel the presence of all my loved ones..as if i am surrounded by an envelope of their care and love..i feel so rich..
But what happens that everything changes.I wonder how and why does it happen..that i miss the transient time also.
Everything seems colourless..lifeless..cheerless.No will to do what i m supposed to do..let alone the enthusiasm to reach for the stars.Returning smiles seems to be a burden.Irritation..frustration replaces all that zeal and optimism..as if the whole universe has turned hostile.I miss not being missed.I long to be longed for.I fail to feel the love around.I want to feel wanted..
I demand.I argue.I disagree.all pointlessly..
It seems as if there will never be day again..
But it comes:)

selfless love..

I find it difficult to believe,remember,understand or follow anything which i have just read.unless seen or experienced...it simply fails to get into my head..and even if it does..doesn't stay there for long..
I had read so much about love...selfless and pure and chaste...it all seemed bookish and meaningless until recently..
I have a little girl in my neighbourhood...(the same one with a pitiful hindi..if u remember..)
she owns a pet dog Annie.Rather i should say Annie owns a master,that is her.literally..her everything lies in her dog.She said one day.."annie is going to its maternal uncle's house.."
I wondered..dog to its maternal uncle's...she said.."isnt my uncle his uncle also?"
i smiled thinking foolish of her.
A few days back i saw her limping..looking pale and exhausted.An iron nail had hurt her foot while she was playing with Annie.Her cute little face looked dull and eyes swollen red..she had just had her tetanus.While narrating the mishap...her chhubby cheeks went wet with big drops of tear..
But sudddenly her face lit up bright as she spoke the sentence.."thank god! the nail didn't hit Annie's feet.."
And then,i understood what selfless love is..

all that matters

I have a number and variety of friends.Some say I am sweetly simple.Some say I am irritatingly complicated.
Some say I am excessively talkative.Some say I am dreadfully silent.Some say I am childishly immature.Some say I am unnecessarily thoughtful.Some say I am impressively intelligent.Some say I am incredibly foolish...
For me,all of them taken together form an army of confusion creators.Whom to believe and to what extent..
But I am genuinely grateful to this army for their diverse opinions about me has helped me wipe out one great misconception from my usually slow-working mind that it is possible to please everyone..
with due respect to all my friends' opinions about me..

Evolution..

I have always been low on confidence.It took me a lot of guts to express myself publicly..thanx to a very good friend of mine..her push worked to give me the momentum..and start blogging.
I remember the day I had created my orkut account.I was less nervous on my JEE entrance exam..and lesser on the day i had a toe operation.To write a few words about myself in my orkut profile..I went through almost all adjectives in the oxford dictionary..but still I could not find appropriate ones.All i wrote about myself was.."R-receptive,I-incessant,T-theist,U-unstoppable".Except theist..i knew everything was exaggeration.
I was indeed a stupid.And I dont mind accepting it publicly.