Hold on.

Your dream, that you had nurtured all your life, that you had cradled in your arms in your dreams, the dream that was always there to bring you back to life, to bring back that light of hope, the zeal to try again..
the dream..your dream...
How does it feel when you see this dream going away..leaving you..fading away in the dusk..the shine dimming away...the dream going out of reach...going out of your sight..obscuring away in the horizon..
As if the force of life tears out of your body and moves away slowly..leaving you behind, your hands stretched out...leaving you with no energy to call out..or run to it and not let it go..
whether it is possible to not let your dream leave you, to not give up, to fight , to think and act...that is all there at a later stage..whether you have the choice to bring the circumstances in your hands...okay, that all is there...i do not mean to lecture on that...

But the very feeling that what you have always looked forward to..what you have always wanted to achieve..your destination which has also been your way till now..has developed cracks, which are mendable or not, you do not know at that moment, your dream absorbs all the light in the world leaving you behind engulfed in darkness..a feeling of vacuum inside..weightlessness..you feel non-existent.
all you can see and comprehend is..the road ahead is going away from you..leaving you stuck in an island of despair...
And you stand there, Lifeless. Motionless. Emotionless.
But what still remains is, the seed of faith.
Faith in some thing. Faith in  some one. And The seed grows one fine day.

Surprise Yourself

Related post: What is my calling?

What is my calling? This is what someone told me.

Definitely, no one is going to come in your dreams and tell you, "This is what you are made for."

Just sitting and waiting for the calling, it would never happen that way. You got to set out and try newer things that come your way or otherwise.

You got to do things to find out what is your calling.

Every single opportunity that gives a faint feeling of “it might be…”, grab it. Find it out for yourself if it is.

No straight line takes you there? Then go the other way round; reverse gear approach. Put the answer options in the question to find out the correct option, rather than solving the question to find the answer.

You might think that its life, you do not have just a limited number of options. So you got to be patient and do some thinking.

The only headache could be, you might not have a limited number of options. And you might always have this doubt in mind that "Is it my real calling?"

It is then that you got to trust your instinct. And not give up.

How would you know that finally you got it? Will anything magical happen?

Go and do it first. Expect surprises.

If the random hunt does not take you any closer to your calling, at least it would lower the number of choices you have; it would reduce the level of confusion in your head.

Envy the people who have found their life’s passion. Convert the envy to energy.

Why do they know what is it for them, and you don’t?

Enough of self-help reading, enough of soul searching, set out and do something.

Believe in karma. Come out of the cocoon. 

Go, do it. Surprise yourself!

Foolish me

I sat under the sky, with a pen and paper,to write a poem.

I stared at the white paper, 

scratching my head, waiting for the words to pop up from its inside.

Nope.

Then stared at the paper, harder this time.

Nope.

I positioned my hand to write, hoping the pen would pour out something.

Nope.

Tickled my memory to surface something I could write about.

Ran through past and future, trying to imagine and paint.

Nope.

I felt tired and lay down, looking at the blue sky above.

Let’s take a break, I told myself.

Blank, looked at the sky above, stretched till infinity, soaked in serenity.

The vibrance filling me gradually.

I felt, am I looking through a magnifying glass?

I saw a million cheerful faces smiling at me from above,

The radiance lighting up my face, the vastness overwhelming me..

Suddenly I felt, how small I am.

I felt my heart expanding in me.

I stretched out my arms and hugged the sky.

I felt happy, so happy, realising, its true when they say,” to be happy, you don’t need a reason”.

I smiled back to those million faces.

And watched the faces turn into stars, as the blue transformed to amber, grey …black.

Getting mesmerised by the bejewelled beauty of the unending cosmos.

I lay there, smiling, oblivious of self and surrounding, listening to the silent melody.

That’s what they call bliss!

How could I not see something so amazing that was always there above me…I just had to look up!

And I always looked inside, to get inspired, foolishly thinking, creativity can be cultivated in a head.

I did not write a poem, but learnt how to nurture creativity.

I am afraid. So?

The fear that I live with, is my companion.

I say it aloud that I hate the fear. But I share an intimacy with it.

It acknowledges me, it accepts me.

I camouflage, I live with it in a strange comfort but I say to the world that I want to get rid of it. That’s the dishonest me. Hypocrite me.

I am me. I don’t bother if you think I am timid. I pretend that I bother. But I don’t.

You see me afraid and sympathize.

Thanks, but that is okay. It is okay to be afraid, I feel so.

I don’t want to die trying to be perfect, I would be happier to die a happy me.

I find it easier to live with the fears, than trying to part with them.

All they ask for is a small corner in my heart. Until I don’t knock their doors, they stay there put.

After all, I am afraid of some things, not everything.

Small is beautiful.

Sometimes, the light of a sweet smile, can lighten the darkness that is pitch black.

A soothing touch on my shoulder fills me with the lost life and strength, when I am tired and dying.

Not pep talks and lectures, just a heartfelt "You can" can bring me back on my foot, when I am giving up.

Sometimes I just need that much, and I am fine.

Burdens seeming eternally painful, just evaporate by the warmth of a caring "Don't worry". 

When the cosmos seems conspiring against me, when I am struggling for a support in a whirlwind of worries, a genuine "I am there" calms down the storms inside, readying me to fight the ones outside.

Sometimes, in fact always, it is just small gestures of humanity, which can design the course of a journey…
The length of pauses, the amount of despair, the extent of disheartenment, the duration of distress, can be insignificant and momentary or can just throw you off the track of life.

It is an individual’s fight, of course. But the almighty has his ways to cheer his fighters in the arena.