if you stop expecting..

If you stop expecting,life will be full of surprises! who on earth does not like surprises...
And the root of all pains is expectation.true isn't it?

I have been trying to write something for the last five months but could not come up with anything....not that i am too busy to write.Rather i am too relaxed...i never had so much time for myself..
but still..perhaps..its inertia of rest..that i m unable to pull myself out..
Literally..i am tired of relaxing..and now that so much time has passed..or i shud say i have got so much of my time wasted..i m really afraid to wake up..
Though i keep saying to myself..WAKE UP Rits...

change...

Nothing is permanent but change.But still we resist the changes that are beyond our control and we try to bring about changes that refuse to occur.strange na....
i had a friend...when it was the formative stage of our relationship...she was so caring and concerned about me...the bond grew so strong in a few days that we couldnt stay away even for a day.But as true it is.."nothing is permanent but change.." she got someone else in her life.a HE.and i slid to the second position in her priority list.I just could not take it.i used to keep on demanding..trying to make her realise that she has changed..and that this change is hurting me..arguing all the time...sometimes getting violent to fight...I could gain nothing out of this except loss.I lost her for-ever.Had i accepted the change...i wouldnt have had this blank in my life...

..wish i could go back and never grow up again...

Sometimes..rather many times of late,i regret my growing up.it was so nice to be ignorant of the fact that i am growing up.Life was as simple as linear equations.No complications.Get up.go to school with ur tiffin and up-to date notebooks.collect teachers' pats.make merry with friends.come home to be hugged by mommy.fresh hot lunch.afternoon nap.evening fun.homework done.TV.cartoon.dinner.hugs again by daddy and mommy.off to bed.another day as same as the previous one but not a single moment of boredom or a feel of montony.These concepts dint exist at all then.did they? not for me.
Teachers'pats dnt exist even in dreams now.Getting a good meal once in a week is god's grace( i stay in a hostel so..).no routine.books with concepts that refuse to get into the head just irritate me.away from home.no one there to entertain my mood swings.if feeling low...have to be extra careful.cant just blurt out...not like the good old days that if had a fight in the 1st period...friends again till the next period.life isnt simple anymore!!
i wish i could go back to those days and never come back again.
though its nt possible...closing my eyes and imagining this cud happen is more than bliss...

i hope u r reading my friend..
We usually read and write so much about moms..but dads are rarely given this privilege..
i never realised that i never missed my dad.only when i needed my cell to be recharged..or my account refilled.But he calls up daily to ask if i had my food on time.i simply give one word answers.he never asks anything else more than my well being.I never bothered to extend our conversation beyond that.
One of my friends who read my post on mother asked me why are fathers not written about..even i dnt knw why it never occured to me to think of him this way..

I stay away from home.I had become very used to to say that "I miss home..I miss my mummy.."..without realising when do i really do..until it came to me one day that
i miss my mom when i am hungry..I miss the affection with which she used to feed me.I miss her during exams..that when i was at home,tired and exhausted,how i would lie on her lap and she would gently stroke my hair..I miss her when i dnt have money to buy something i like..i think of her getting my wish granted without a question.I miss her when i have a difference with my friends..that if i were at home..how i would run to her bursting into tears..and she would console me..
i miss her when i feel nervous..that how she would fill me with confidence by hugging me tight..I miss her when i am ill..how her care worked faster than medicines...
I dont know what was i filled with..when i realised that I miss her only when I need her.I wanted to say sorry.I wanted to tell her that I was selfish.And tell her everything that I have written here.But all i could say is
"mama..i love you"
She smiled and said.."I know".

Does it happen with you?

Sometimes in life..everything seems beautiful..everything into place..the days seem bright..the cool breeze so soothing..everything around looks beautiful..
every face seems smiling..lit up..
I feel filled with energy..an urge to achieve..excel..struggle ..fight..difficulty doesnt seem a difficulty..it appears as a challenge..and the whole world seems to be supporting me..an unseen force holding my hand..not letting me fall..i can feel the presence of all my loved ones..as if i am surrounded by an envelope of their care and love..i feel so rich..
But what happens that everything changes.I wonder how and why does it happen..that i miss the transient time also.
Everything seems colourless..lifeless..cheerless.No will to do what i m supposed to do..let alone the enthusiasm to reach for the stars.Returning smiles seems to be a burden.Irritation..frustration replaces all that zeal and optimism..as if the whole universe has turned hostile.I miss not being missed.I long to be longed for.I fail to feel the love around.I want to feel wanted..
I demand.I argue.I disagree.all pointlessly..
It seems as if there will never be day again..
But it comes:)