Monday, August 13, 2012

"...you must be bored.."

I hail from a small town. From a "no malls no multiplexes" place.
To make a livelihood, I have been staying away from home and family for the last 3 years.
Once in few months, I go back home to spend a few days there...

It was my last visit. I was having lunch with one of my uncles.
He asked me, " you must be feeling bored here now...3-4 days is fine but you might not want to stay here for  a longer time than this...it is a small town...no hang out places, nothing... you are a city girl now.." and he was smiling. The smile was different, it did not convey warmth.

I had no answer because I had never thought about it . May be because I had never stayed at home for more than a week after I started living in a city.

The question, rather the conversation with uncle, was simple which could have been forgotten. But I could not forget. His words kept on bothering me.

A number of questions flooded my mind.

Does a different lifestyle imply that I do not belong to the place where I learnt life? 
My people, my neighbours, they do not consider me their own now?
Does my behaviour display so much of affectation that I am losing the affection they had for me..?

These are the people who have seen me become what I am today. They have seen me roaming barefoot on the streets in the locality. They have been to my school for my annual day. They have seen me falling from a bicycle. They have thrashed me for stealing mangoes from their orchard. I have spent long summer afternoons playing in their backyard. They have helped me with my homework.
Being treated like someone higher or superior or a modern city dweller by these people is something that does not make me feel good. When they call me "aap" instead of "tu", it feels odd. When they treat me like a guest, I feel uncomfortable. 

If the answer to all the questions above is a yes, then when did it happen that I could not even realize?
...still wondering....



6 comments:

  1. touchy..indeed we lose so much of ourselves..

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  2. Nothing to bother/wonder..
    becos,the city life style etc are ur uncle's view and not urs..
    i know u will never get bored being "@Home"... becos, even I.. i hope nobody will..
    All the sweet memories u hav mentioned is the sign "that u haven't changed"
    Ur soul still belongs to "ur small town"
    :)

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    Replies
    1. I know that... :) what bothers me is they do not feel that I still belong to them... :)
      Thanks for taking time to read and share your thoughts.

      Delete
  3. It mostly depends on the appearance one portrays, I guess... I feel Tees and Jeans are still not part of the village tradition (not judging you wear, but just imagining a possibility).

    ReplyDelete