Never say die!!

When you aim very high, but hit a bit low,
you can neither retreat nor make another go,
Nothing you can do except accept...
Then do accept, for a million more chances in life you will get.

You worked very hard from dusk to dawn..
but did not get the reward, then hold on..
You definitely will get the deserved, you may have to wait,
"True efforts never go in vain", have faith.

When all seems lost and destroyed
No hope, no light, no reason to be glad,
then try and cling to the faintest of rays,
because a new tomorrow still remains.

Even if everything goes right but luck often betrays you
You fight very hard but fate again deceives you,
with no courage left, you feel like giving up...
then just keep in mind that everything is dynamic, and so is your luck.

P.S: I had written this 6 years ago, when I had failed to crack AIEEE, it means all the more meaningful now :)

For you my friend...

My friend, will you accept my sorry?

It were tough times for you when you dint get through..
and I wasn't there, did not even ask how are you..

when you fell in love, you had butterflies in your stomach :)
Who else could you share with, but I said I have "work"...

When you got that award, you were so delighted...
Iwas busy so much  that I almost neglected...

It was your wedding , you were nervous I know
"No leaves" is what I said, and I dint go..

You had that interview, you were tensed, you needed me
when I should have been there, I dint talk saying "I am in a meeting"..

It was your birthday and I forgot to send a wish..
and then covered up saying "I was caught up in office, forgive me please.."

You were a little low that day, wanted to talk, to feel better
I dint even listen, saying I am "out with the team, will call you later.."

Job, work, promotions, appraisals, deadlines, reports, and leaves
They should not be reasons enough to forget you, my friend,who will never leave..

I am sorry, I can't be polite!

A popular hindi proverb says, " Aisi vaani boliye, mann ka aapa khoye, auran ko sheetal kare, aaphun sheetal hoye".. which means that "Speak such words that not only soothe your mind, but also bring joy to whoever listens to your words".

This one used to be one of my favourite dohas that I had read in school. About living what it says, I do  not know if my speech could bring joy to others, but yes, at least I can say without a doubt that my words were not rough and harsh, not crude that could hurt anyone.

But now, being rude is the need of the hour. If I don't be rude, I am stuck, I am exploited, I am fooled.
They say, "My dear, there is a difference between rudeness and assertiveness, there is a fine line..."
 I fail to draw that.

The other day, I was travelling by a shared cab, with all males except me. The driver stopped on the waving of an old man.

I had my earphones stuffed into my ears with "Allah ke bande" going on. The man was trying to fit in which meant the guys were shifting closer to me.

Without thinking for even a second, I blurted, " Aise thhussna hai toh mujhe utaar do".. ( If you want to stuff passengers like this, then let me get down) .

Before the driver could say anything, the old person looked at me and got down from the cab. If  his eyes could speak out loud, they would have said- " Madam, why do you shout, you can be softer.."

The cab moved ahead. After a while I realised that all I  had to do was shift to the front seat so that the males could accommodate themselves at the back seat. And I understood why the old man looked at me like that.

That very moment, I wanted to go back and say sorry to the old man.

This incident made me reflect deep. If I shift this whole setting a couple of years ago, had I reacted the same way?

No.

Around 3 years in a city, and now I believe that when one packs one's bags to a metro, one has to come armed with boldness and a catalyst, the adequate amount of which can help you regulate the level of boldness required as per situations.

Another example. I was travelling by an auto rickshaw... (All my boldness comes handy while I am travelling by public transport, especially autos! )

The auto wallah and I mutually agreed on the fare he would charge. But to my disgust and surprise, when I got down handed over a 100 rupee note to him, he got ready to leave, while he was supposed to return 10 bucks to me. He said, "madam, change nahin hai"... in a very "oh-you-miserly-lady" look and tone...
At this moment, even if I had tried hard to be polite, the rude Ritu in me would have slapped the polite ritu and would have then slapped that idiot fellow!

It is not about 10 bucks, it is about the attitude. I shouted like a lafanga at the top of my voice, attracting attention of a few people around... he got scared a bit and took out 10s of 10 rupee notes, threw one at me and went off..
Did he think I was foolish... I would not have mind  letting him go with that extra 10 had he been genuine and honest, but he was a cheat fellow, which I could make out from his face!

Now how can I expect myself to be polite and soft...
And these encounters are a part of the routine in a city life.

Shout at the customer service people, else they don't turn up to put right the internet service.. yell and scream at the plumber else he would keep dodging you for weeks together.. pester the land owner else he does not give the rent receipts... and the tussle with the auto wallahs- enough of it!

May be Munna Bhai can deal with all such situations with his gandhigiri... but I wonder if it works in real life..

A temper, the remote control of which is in on your hands, is very much needed to survive in a place where every other person in the lookout to take advantage of your softness - One of the life lessons I have learnt the hard way...

Not that I like the way I have become. Because the remote control does not work well all the time.

ऐ क़ाश के ऐसा हो पाता...

ऐ  क़ाश के ऐसा हो पाता, सन्नाटे में मैं खो जाता,

ना याद मुझे कोई करता, ना याद मुझे कोई आता

ना मुझ तक कोई पहुँच पाता, दस्तक तक ना दे पाता 

दूर दूर तक मैं , बस मैं, कोई और नज़र तक ना आता 

ऐ  क़ाश के ऐसा हो पाता...

ऐ  क़ाश के ऐसा हो पाता...

होती बस मेरी आवाज़, जिसको बस मैं ही सुन पाता 

अपने दिल की हर धड़कन हर पल जैसे  मैं सुन पाता 

जज्बातों के दरिया से एक पल, मैं ज़रा सा ऊभर  पाता 

ऐ  क़ाश के ऐसा हो पाता...

ऐ  क़ाश के ऐसा हो पाता...

ऐ  क़ाश  के गर ये हो पाता, शायद खुद से मैं मिल पाता 

दिल में भरे सवालों के जवाबों से भी मिल पाता

मन की उलझी गाठों को थोडा तो सुलझा पाता 

ज़ख़्मी दिल को धीमे धीमे, थोडा सा सहला पाता 

ऐ  क़ाश के ऐसा हो पाता...

ऐ  क़ाश के ऐसा हो पाता...

...............only if.............

i never know...what lies in tomorrow..
hardly i get the wanted and the unwanteds follow..

when i am confused,i die to decide..
always i fail letting myself get flown with the tide..

the more i want to escape..the more i get trapped..
despite trying not doing the done,i keep getting slapped..

in fighting to be what am not but i want to be,
i lose what i have..binding myself again,instead of getting free..

i wish i had my reins in my hand..
and i could get up myself and stand..

only if i could accept i can be loved for what i am,
only if could love myself for what i am...







     

Come back soon...

I miss you whenever I go to the same ice cream store, 

the same cone, the same flavour, but it does not taste the same any more...

The flowers in the potted plant do not smile now,

they also miss you, I feel somehow...

The new gown I bought, I don't want to wear,

you only see me, who else does care...

The lakeside looks colourless and non living

the bushes look pale and birds don't sing...

I don't see myself in the mirror, I see a wrinkle,

the glow is gone, eyes bereft the twinkle...

The roses you had given me, are dead and  dry,

the thorns are there, that make me cry...

When you come back, everything will be fine,

I will be beautiful again, there will be sunshine...